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Hollywood, romance novels, picture-perfect depictions of relationships on social media: But while nearly two-thirds of American adults believe in them, according to a Monmouth University pollpsychology professor Gary W.

Lewandowski Jr.

It can connote perfectionism — and perfection in relationships is essentially unattainable. But being able to l8r conflict as a couple is imperative to growing a healthy relationship, he adds. When people are searching for their soulmate, they can end up on a never-ending quest, says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist based in California.

But a relationship should always be an enhancement, rather than a necessity, she says. Instead of looking for the onestart searching for a relationship that is more realistic, honest and healthy.

Here, experts explain how to do it. Looking for particular qualities instead of a vague idea — like a soulmate — allows you to be more specific about what you want.

Try writing down the traits that are most important to you. The process can become an exercise of self-exploration, she says. Focus more on personality traits and ideologies which generally matter more than factors such as where someone works or what their interests are, she says.

lookign Durvasula notes qualities like kindness, compassion, consistency, loyalty and openness as examples of the kinds of traits to jot. Check back with your list not just once you find a partner, but as your relationship progresses, Lewandowski says.

This way you can keep track of how your partner stacks up to the characteristics you were looking. Get the latest career, relationship and wellness advice to enrich your life: Looking to those closest to you is the best way to find realistic and honest relationship goalsaccording to Durvasula.

Seek out a variety of real-life couples you know well — friends or family — and ask yourself what qualities you admire in those relationships. Try to pick up on the negatives, too, Lewandowski adds.

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Being in a committed, healthy relationship starts with focusing on. Already in a relationship? Focus on growing both individually and as a couple, Lewandowski says.

Then, try to participate in activities you enjoy doing. You want someone who values your growth as an individual and as a couple since both are crucial components of a healthy partnershipsays Durvasula.

Write to Annabel Gutterman at annabel. Getty Images.

By Annabel Gutterman November 2, Related Stories.